Managing Motherhood, Work and Long distance Crushes

Who has ever said that long distance relationships are doomed?

Can this be true?

Surely there are many successful long distance relationships that lead to settled and most cherished marriages…. However, I do wonder whether it is realistically worth weighing the pros and cons before going in with both feet This begs the question: Can a mother even contemplate a long distance relationship while juggling motherhood, work and all? Is it true that love conquers all?

While I was busy with housework and lost in my thoughts about everything in life…well, thinking about what activities my teenage son and daughter had decided to do this weekend? I even questioned whether I had enough rest last night….I work all week so sleeping in on Saturday mornings is my treat. However, it is also a treat to spend time with my children more than I do during the week. While all these thoughts occupied my mind, distructing me from thinking about my chores. The pinging sound from my phone brought me back to my kitchen. I casually glanced at the screen…as you do. I noticed a familiar name… teenage crush. Well, to cut the long story short…. He asked me out when I was a teenager but I was never moved by his advances….he even wrote me a love letter. As sweet as it sounded- I was young and naive to give my heart to a boy. We lost contact after I moved from the Eastern Cape to Gauteng. I later grew up and life continued, I even left my motherland.

Social Media Connections

I was surprised to be contacted by my old friend. We soon chatted, reminiscent of the past and friends from our childhood. Our chat also reminded him of his crush, I laughed it off knowing that ship has sailed……so I thought. It soon became evident that a decade of no contact has not sapped the life of his crush.

I must confess……. I was not convinced by his confession. Well, the truth is we don’t really know each other anymore and living in different Continents does not help. As for me….a distance relationship has always been one of those things I reject. I believe a relationship is about getting to know the person, be content with your choice, bond together, accept each other’s flaws and bugages whilst engaging all the senses…..thats what a distance relationship fails to achieve.

So, I patiently explained this to my crush avoiding any hopes of long distance romance. In fairness, my delivery was respectful and clear.

This picture brings to mind that long distance relationships seem lonely and distant. Gazing at this picture, one may question: Is it something I can do while accepting all the more cons involved? Well, it cannot be lovely nor romantic to miss your love knowing you cannot easily reach nor touch.

Can phone calls, video calls and texts strengthen the love? Or will the echoes of lonesomeness ring louder when the goodbyes have been said? When I think of these questions….I often think about what I look for in a relationship. As a busy person, a long distance relationship is not what I want to add to my life and thoughts.

I am certain that a lot of single mothers will relate to the fact that it is not easy deciding or taking the leap to date after having children. Yet it is not impossible. It has to feel comfortable and right to be accepted by mama’s heart. A loving relationship should be one of those things that should save you in life and rekindle your spirit.

Like this picture, even if they may call each other, confess their love for one another. They are not able to share a meal, take a stroll hand in hand, cuddle on the sofa, or share their day while gazing at each other’s eyes, feeling the warmth of their bodies…their heart beating side by side, the whisper in each other’s ears increasing their endorphins and being in that moment of immeasurable happiness.

Weighing Pros and Cons

Having weighed the pros and cons on long distance relationships, I decided that cons supersede the pros. To me that is not enough. I am comfortable with the decision that I will never endeavor to pursue a long distance relationship.

I understand that there may be others out there who are happy with their long distance relationships. It is therefore wise to ponder whether it is for you. If it is go for it.

By Bella Sasa Tati